Life

The world sometimes seems very mysterious , you just fail to understand what it means to convey; every part of life throws questions at us, and we keep searching, and the most funny part is - no one has the answers, and you just grow up to realize that we are all meant to live with these questions, and not be unhappy about them !!Sometimes, in fact, you can't help it that your entire life revolves around these questions, and it just pisses you more, because however hard you try, you will never be able to reach to the answers, it is just a mystery, and you are born to accept them.

" WHY ? "A question which is most prominent!! Anything that happens in our life, we cannot help ask this question, but is there a point in even thinking over it??!! God alone knows, and yes, that is the only answer we have to all our questions.

DEATH invokes realism, or may be just throws light on the unreal-ism of life, the closer you have faced it, the more you realize that nothing actually matters. All that you see, all those you meet , everything around you, may just disappear one fine day, and you can do nothing about it, you have no influence over it, and life shows you that you don't own it, but life owns you, and you have no control on it.

All these words were never understood by me, but an incident changed it all. Pa almost died, doctors and nurses gave in, the will was written, almost all formalities done, they were waiting for my dad to die, and I just knew that I could not allow it, but I also knew that I could not help it.

There was no chance of my dad coming back to life, so was the doctors' verdict. He could not even breathe without a ventilator, he could not speak. The entire family was undergoing a turmoil, the words " Everything will be fine ", seemed to be real no more.

A ray of hope, Pa had to breathe by himself, then he could be taken to Bangalore, where he could be operated by the only doctor in India capable of curing him - 33% chances of survival, but yes, that is all that the doctors' could promise. But all this seemed impossible, Pa could not breathe , he could not travel, his health was too bad to be taking the risk . The only solution was to wait, the doctors' called it  " wait to die ", we called it a " wait to breathe".

In such circumstances, nothing seems to bother, the winter, the rains, the exams, nothing, and you have no idea how to deal with it. You find yourself getting up in the middle of the night and screaming. Fear captures you, chokes you in fact. You have tears pouring out every time you are alone.

You have no words , for anyone. I had no clue what I had to tell my mom. Every time Pa heard my voice he had tears in his eyes, and the words he managed to speak were , " Take care of Mom, study well ;You are my elder daughter, I know you will be strong, I know you will make me proud, and trust me, I will be fine, and you will be fine too . "

I did not know how to react to those words. I wanted to shatter right there, but I knew it would only break him down. So I held myself and just managed that situation without letting out anything. I just told him, " God loves me a little too much, so, don't worry Pa, nothing can happen to you. God will dare not take you away from me . "

Pa smiled, with tears in his eyes, and I was just reminded of how much that smile meant to me. I just knew that I could give up my life for that smile. It is all that mattered to me. All the memories of the past flashed right in front of me.

My dad was an awesome person. He loved his wife. He loved his daughters.He was proud of his family. He lived for them.He would stay awake all night beside his daughter when she had fever. He would flirt with wife even in his 40s. He would throw a party for the entire neighborhood only because his daughter had come home for holidays. He taught her how to love.He taught her to take risks. He taught  her values. He taught her friendships. He taught her life. He taught her everything. He was the very reason of my life , of the way I am, of my happiness !!!

Yes !! This was my great Dad, and there he lay, not even able to breathe, and I could do nothing about it !!